


While There Is Sun

by Nicolle_Midnight



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-28
Updated: 2013-10-10
Packaged: 2017-12-24 22:55:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 19,461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/945654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nicolle_Midnight/pseuds/Nicolle_Midnight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Seven years after the end of the show, Brian retreats to a life that is much less glamorous than in the past.  But now he decides to change that.</p><p>I thank the wonderful work of translating this story to my Beta Tagsit. Thank you, dear!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> All the great legends are based on small truths. The legend of Brian Kinney, the great god sex of Liberty Avenue, is no exception to this rule.

The famous Liberty Avenue located in Pittsburgh holds many secrets. Each of the walls of the buildings there could tell an amazing story. Some of these stories are dirtier and some are more innocent. And there is more history on the walls of one building - Babylon - than anywhere else. Any gay man taking his first step into the doors of Babylon carries a story. Many of the stories are left behind on those very dirty walls. Mostly these stories tell of guys that have already decided to live their lives fully and acknowledge their homosexuality.

 

However, of all the stories that you might come across in this world, none is more contradictory, complex and exciting than that of Brian Kinney. What happened to the man who was once the most desired and successful queer of all of gay Pittsburgh? He was the man who all men wanted. The great Brian Fucking Kinney. The biggest stud that had ever dominated Liberty Avenue. How did he decide that he now prefers to be away from the eyes of those that once worshipped the man almost as a god? Now Brian just sees Babylon as one of his most successful businesses. And now, instead of sharing himself with all of Babylon, only those more fortunate and most desirable have the privilege of sharing his bed.

 

 

Some better informed queens claim that the cause was a certain blond twink who stole Brian’s heart (assuming he ever had one) long ago.

 

Anyway, he is still a legend and an example to be followed.

 

\-------------------

 

“Hello there. I’m Brian Kinney. Nice to meet you.”

 

“Hey ... Whoever you are. Come on in and make yourself comfortable. You are now entering into my piece of paradise - my life. I admire your courage to be here, although I know very well why you’re doing it. You couldn’t help yourself, right? You had to come take a look. After all, here you can have EVERYTHING that you were looking for.

 

“I know that got your attention! I’ve piqued your interest in me and now you're here, hungry for satisfaction. I think I can help you, at least with that last part.

 

“But, it’s not an easy task to be the most successful and most desired man in all of gay Pittsburgh. Not only do I have a multimillion dollar advertising and marketing company called Kinnetik, but I’m also the owner of Babylon - the hottest nightclub on Liberty Avenue, a street that never sleeps and which is frequented by gays, lesbians, drag queens and all the variables that may exist on that theme. Some may say my life may seem somewhat destructive. What do you think? I don’t think so. I don’t think I could have picked a better way to spend my days: indulging my taste for imported furniture and designer clothing that is prohibitively expensive, alcohol, drugs, and any guy I ever wanted.

 

“And yet, at the same time, I’ve managed to stay independent enough not to give a damn what others think of me. I was born this way and I'm not ashamed of who I am. Actually, I consider myself very successful at achieving my goals. Even I am sometimes amazed by it.

 

“Want proof? Just take a look at the line of men that will offer anything in exchange for the opportunity to get into my loft and have even part of a night with me. But today, few are privileged to attain this distinction. After all the years during which I indulged in every appetizing ass that paraded before me through the streets, I have finally become more selective. My time is very valuable - I don’t have time to fuck the mediocre. My standard of quality is very high and few can match my demands.

 

“I'm the type of guy who doesn’t really need to worry if he’s good in bed. Anyone who steps into my apartment should consider themselves more than lucky just to be there. I never repeat a guy. What would be the point? There are so many men on the planet, I would be wasting my time doing someone more than once.

 

”The sheets on my bed know very well what I'm talking about. After all the men who have passed between those sheets, just think, there must have been thousands of secrets kept, orgasms immortalized and dreams lost. No wonder my bed is my favorite place in the whole loft.

 

“You must be wondering why I seem to be so self-centered? Well, I hear that often. The truth is, though, that I'm not egocentric - I just really, truly don’t care about anyone but myself. I know you're smart enough to tell the difference. Call me a hypocrite if you want, but I learned some time ago that the more you care about a person, the more self-centered you become. The more you care about someone else, the easier that person can escape you. Once you hear the three magic little words, you’re satisfied for the moment, but then they disappear again and you’re left with nothing.

 

“Yes, to answer your question even before you ask, I tried it once with a boy named Justin Taylor. You can also call him Sunshine. Both names mean the same to me: Gorgeous, blond, blue eyes and a butt more spectacular than any other I have ever had the pleasure (literally) to know.

 

“When I met him, his whole being silently screamed out his inexperience. So, what did I see in him? A great opportunity for me to immortalize myself in the memory of someone. I would be the first time for someone and I could guide him in the ways of sex. It was sort of a trophy I wanted to collect. However, it turned out differently.

 

“He was a kid when I met him - only 17 years old. But he was persistent and stubborn. And he refused to give up until I admitted that I cared about him and wanted him for more than just a fuck. I think that's why he got to me - it was the fact that he wouldn’t give up on me. Except for my son, he was the only one who always believed in me. Yes. Eventually I caved to the inevitable. I fell for him, as much as I hated to admit to it. After a time, I could no longer look at my bed without seeing him. That beautiful pale skin that only Sunshine has, smooth and soft, like albino snow.

 

“We had millions of fights. Most were about him wanting me to give him what I couldn’t give: Love. Oh, I could love him; I just could never speak the words of love he so wanted to hear. And I should have continued denying him that privilege. Because as soon as I caved in and finally said I loved him, he was gone.

 

“Yes, he moved to New York, to be reborn as a great painter. His painting was "a promise to contemporary art" - at least according to some review in an art magazine written by some queer who was probably more excited about the boy’s ass than his art. But eventually, dramatically, he did conquer the art world, proving to all the genius that he is. The genius that I always saw from the first day. He became the success they always predicted he’d be from day one.

 

“I'm happy for him, honestly. But it’s been seven years since he left and things between us went about as expected. Within a year, he and I found we no longer knew anything about each other. I always knew that he wouldn’t return. I don’t blame him. If it were me I wouldn’t return to Pittsburgh - not after conquering New York, London and Paris. It took nearly six more years for me to realize that my friends and I didn’t need that particular drama called Justin. Six years. I have nothing but the memories of that time, which insist on staying with me no matter how much I drink or drug or fuck, but whatever else we had is gone.

 

“I’ve decided that I'm not going to waste my time that way ever again. Instead, this year I'm going to spend my summer holiday in sunny Ibiza - a town full of drinks, parties, beaches and men; many, many men. What I need is some time for ‘Me’. And, as my best friend, Michael Novotny, always says, ‘You’ll always be young and you’ll always be beautiful: You’re Brian Kinney, for fuck's sake!’ So I'm following his advice. I'm being who I am. Brian Kinney. I’m going to go back to not caring about shit.

 

“This airline I do some work for sent me two tickets to Ibiza. See? So, since you're so keen to get to know me better ... Why don’t you come with me? I bet you won’t regret it.

 

“What do you say? Are you coming or going? Or coming and then going? Or are you coming ... and staying with me? It's your decision. You know where to find me. Come on! Don’t disappoint me . . . whoever you are. What was your name again?"


	2. A New Beginning.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

>  Brian has never really been to Ibiza, but now he’s decided it's time to finally visit the fabled gay haven.

As he comes into his office,  
Brian glances down and sees something on his desk. On closer inspection he determines that its two plane tickets. He shakes his head in exasperation. The fools at Liberty Air had sent him two tickets bound for Spain as a ‘Thank You” for the work he’d done on their last campaign. 

 

As he looked at the pieces of paper, a distant memory invades his thoughts:

 

’Where are you going?’ Justin asked him, slightly annoyed.  
 

 

‘Ibiza’.  

 

The noticeable astonishment is clear on the face of the younger man, but Brian needed to stand firm and get this over with. 

 

‘I'm leaving tonight.’

 

‘Without me?’ The disappointment was more than palpable.

 

‘Well, you're back to your school, remember? I really wouldn’t be responsible to miss a lot of classes when you just got back.’ 

 

Brian continued to move, packing up his briefcase, collecting the papers and files ... He didn’t want to look into Justin’s eyes. The boy would see all his lies if he made eye contact.

 

‘Fuck school! Fuck the bet! Fuck you! I thought we would go to Ibiza someday together!’ 

 

Brian had been ready and waiting for the explosion. He fell back on his usual snarky attitude.  He needed all his defenses up if he wanted to win this fight and not have let on where he was really going.

 

‘Fuck, Justin! We're not married! And I do not need your permission if I want to go somewhere.’

 

Brian had to leave the room for a moment. He couldn’t bear to see the boy’s sadness and disappointment. He had to take care of Justin and this was the best way.  
Upon returning, he knew he had won. One look at Justin and he knew he’d won. Being a advertising genius had its advantages. He’d managed to sell this little pile of shit to the one person who knew him best.

 

‘You're right. Quite right,’ Justin responded, in a newly accommodating tone. The sorrow and defeat in his voice was still too much for Brian, though. ‘Look if I said something or did something that upset you, I didn’t mean to. It was an accident.’ 

 

It was too much for Brian. Even at the risk of seeing all his machinations become useless, he could not let Justin think that this was all his fault. Brian pulled him into his arms.

 

‘It’s not you!’

 

‘What is it then?’

 

He could not look into those beautiful blue eyes. All would be lost if Justin found out what he was hiding. Fighting himself and gathering all his strength, Brian forced himself to move away.

 

‘Okay,’ Justin relented. ‘Go do whatever you have to do for whatever reason you have to do it. I just want you to know that I love you and I'll be here when you get back.’

 

It was like being knocked out. All Brian’s resolve melted away. If Justin hadn’t given in at just that moment, he would have had to abandon his attempts at persuasion and his plan would have collapsed. Now, all he had was his anger. 

 

But, for the moment at least,  
Brian had to contain his anger. Anger at what was happening. Anger at knowing that, at some point, he would no longer be able to hide. When the time came, when the lies were discovered, it would hurt him a lot more than Justin had been hurt now. Brian did not want pity from anyone, much less from his Sunshine.

 

He began to turn off the lights and close up his office. He would catch a plane and go to Baltimore - not to Ibiza, like everyone thought. Instead he would go to the hospital and allow the doctors to mutilate his body and then start the painful and degrading treatments that weren’t even fully guaranteed to cure him. And if it didn’t work, if he were to die, he didn’t want to leave all those who were close to him suffering. He could not allow that Justin to suffer for him ever again.

 

Brian had to take out his frustration on something. He picked up the last light fixture and threw it at the table.  
Moments later, Cynthia came running into the office, asking, ‘What the hell is happening?’

 

‘Leave me alone!’ he shouted.  
Cynthia closed the door, scared.

 

Brian again felt all the sadness of that distant memory. Maybe he was even more miserable now than he had been back then. He would have liked to have gone to Ibiza with Justin. He would have liked to see the joy in Justin’s eyes, watching his clear skin becoming pink from sitting in the sun at the pool, taking him to the clubs, dancing with him and then bringing him back to the hotel to make love with him on the patio, their naked bodies blending together under the Spanish moonlight.

 

But that hadn’t happened and it never would happen.  
Instead, Justin left for New York. They kept in touch, as much as was possible, at least at first. But the fights became more frequent and each time they saw each other it was all very stressful - every gesture, word or even a tiny distraction served as the subject for another argument. It was unbearable for both of them to continue that way. So they made the hardest decision of their lives and decided to split up. Their lives moved away from each other.

 

Brian continued with his previous way of life for a while, but now his insatiable desires to to take advantage of everything at once had fallen off at the request of his son, Gus. He had promised the boy he would drink less and spend more nights at home.  
Or at least Brian said he did it for Gus. But he was actually doing it for himself. He was getting tired and bored. Tired, because the years of sleepless nights full of drinking, drugs and fucking anyone who was willing to follow him, added to his run-in with cancer, were beginning to take their toll on him. Bored, because he was no longer content with just any casual fuck. After Justin, it was very difficult for Brian to accept merely mediocre lovers. No one could equate to Justin. Fucking with Justin was perfection. And now, even after long six years, Brian had yet to find anyone else who reached that level.

 

As for Justin, he continued to live in New York. Once he got the success he deserved as an artist, he began to exhibit throughout the country and even had a few shows abroad. He returned a few times to Pittsburgh to visit his family and Debbie but, after Tucker was transferred to a school in Washington with Jennifer and Molly the following, Justin never returned to Pittsburgh again. 

 

Justin still kept in touch with Debbie and Emmett. The two had even traveled to London, where Justin currently resided, a couple of times to visit. But the young artist never returned to Pittsburgh. Brian knew little about Justin’s life during that time. Neither Emmett not Debbie talked with him about Justin. And, if it hadn’t been for Michael, he wouldn’t have even known that Justin had married another painter who had met in New York four years ago. 

 

It had come as a total surprise to Brian at the time, even though he’d always known something like this would happen one day. Brian wanted Justin to meet someone who would help him live out his dreams. Someone who wouldn’t be afraid to surrender to their feelings. Still, Brian felt the blow. He remained drunk for nearly three days after getting the news. But eventually, he lifted his head and pulled himself out of his drunken depression. He was Brian Kinney and he would never let anyone see his defeat at the hands of a lowly twink. 

 

But the pain was still there - however deeply hidden - and now it was back along with the memories that persisted of that long ago conversation about Ibiza. 

 

Brian picked up his laptop along with the documents and files that Ted said needed to be handled before his trip.  
As he turned off the lights, he sighed.  He was given two weeks' holiday in Ibiza. Fine! He’d take advantage of the trip. He’d forget all his problems and butt fuck anyone that was willing to submit to him. After all, he was Brian Fucking Kinney and he would finally get to see Ibiza. He wouldn’t let anything or anyone hinder his plans this time.

 

Olé!


	3. A Little Sunshine.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A big surprise awaits Brian on Spanish soil.
> 
>  
> 
> Note: I do not know Ibiza or Spain. The situations related are based on my assumptions and experiences of living in a tourist town - Rio de Janeiro - with a virtually eternal summer, beaches and a rather hectic nightlife. The names of hotels, beaches, bars, restaurants, clubs and other places cited in this chapter were all searched on Google and there is no commercial intention behind these references.

Brian feels the rays of the Spanish sun touching his skin. A breeze that blows from the Mediterranean Sea gusts over the white sand beach and cools the sweat covering his body as a result of the scorching heat.

 

He has been here for two days. The first day, all he did was rest and get used to the time zone change. When he arrived at the Ibiza Gran Hotel at dusk, he decided to take a refreshing bath in the big jacuzzi tub and order a meal in the room. After dinner, which was unfortunately brought by a maid rather than a hot young waiter, Brian unpacked and stretched out on the big king size bed, anticipating all the fun that awaited him the next day, but falling asleep almost instantly due to the jet lag.

 

Now, after a delicious breakfast, on the wide balcony of his room on the third floor of the hotel, he notes with delight the beach below, where dozens of beautiful tanned male bodies fill his eyes with possibilities, the mere thought of which hardens his cock.

 

Not wanting to waste time in his room, Brian quickly jumps in the huge shower, towels off briefly and then puts on a black bathing suit, covered by white cotton pants that perfectly fit his body and a lightweight white shirt, leaving the buttons open intentionally. He ruffles his reddish-brown hair slightly and then finishes off the look with a pair of Armani sunglasses.

 

Observing himself in the large mirror next to the door, Brian could not help thinking: "I could eat you!" Then, ready and willing to check out his options at first the bar and then in the hotel pool, Brian leaves his room and heads for the elevator.

 

When the elevator doors open, Brian can’t help but notice a small blond boy with blue eyes, which are somehow painfully familiar, accompanied by a beautiful redhead with light skin coffee colored skin and expressive eyes. He reluctantly joins the pair in the elevator, trying to appear unconcerned and aloof. 

 

"Where's daddy?" the boy questions the redhead that accompanies him.

 

“He’s down in the hotel bar, talking with Mr. Ramirez. Don’t worry Nick, we’ll be with him soon. I promise he won’t leave without us," the redhead reassures the boy.

 

Brian can not understand why his heart raced while he was furtively watching the scene between mother and son. He surreptitiously lift up his sunglasses enough to examine the pair the mirrored surface of the elevator door. Something about this boy was so familiar. The more he looked at the boy, the more sure he was in his very soul that he knew the youth, even though his reasoning mind refused to accept what his heart was telling him he was seeing.

 

Arriving downstairs, the boy begins to pull the motherly figure toward the bar, demanding that he get to see his father immediately. Brian follows the exciting duo through the entrance to the bar. There’s a feeling of tightness in his stomach. He’s not sure he’s ready to see what his heart and soul already know he will find.

 

Upon entering the bar, the child breaks away from the redhead's grip and runs towards a very fair skinned blond man of short stature with an ass that - even if Brian lived a thousand years - he would never forget. Even before the man turns to take the boy into his arms, Brian has already recognized him. Even if he’d been surrounded by hundreds of other people, Brian would always be able to pick out his ‘Sunshine’.

 

Justin takes the boy - quite obviously his son, since the resemblance is so stunning - in his arms and kisses the child's hair. Then both the boy and the young man smile at each other - showing off identical bright smiles. A smile that was once well known to Brian. People might say that Gus was starting to look more like Brian every day, but the boy in Justin’s arms could be easily be considered a clone of blond.

 

Brian then watches as Justin kisses the redhead who accompanied the child on the cheek and turns to introduce her to the shorter, dark and very overweight man sitting next to him. Based on his balding head, crow’s feet and assorted wrinkles, Brian calculates that the man, who he assumes is Senor Ramirez, is already in his sixties, at least.

 

The redhead chats animatedly with Senor Ramirez as they both head off through a side door. Justin is busy entertaining the child. He doesn’t note Brian’s presence so close to him.

 

Brian is frozen for a moment, unsure what to do next. He fights off his initial desire to run to his lost blond. After watching for a short time, Brian decides it would be better to return to his room, pack his bags, settle his account with the hotel and find some other place to stay far, far away from this particular hotel.

 

However, as Brian turns to move toward the elevator, a small blond rocket shoots around him, somehow tangling up around and through his legs, knocking them both on their asses. The boy starts to cry immediately. Instinctively, Brian sits up, takes the boy onto his lap and begins to comfort him. When he looks up, he is facing Justin, who is staring at the two in absolute shock.

 

"B-B-Brian?"

 

"Hello, Sunshine! I think this belongs to you!"

 

Brian lurches awkwardly to his feet with the boy still in his arms then holds the youngster out towards Justin. Justin manages to compose himself long enough to take his son in his arms. He’s still unable to believe the sight before him. But, even while he’s comforting the still sobbing child with words full of affection, Justin can’t stop staring at the brunette standing in front of him.

 

"Brian, what are you doing here?"

 

"The usual! Checking out the bars, the clubs and especially the men."

 

"The usual! What else should I expect?"

 

"That's right! And you? A gay Mecca, is not typically the ideal place to vacation with your family."

 

"I'm going to have some of my work on display at the ‘Gallery B12 Ibiza’, starting Friday. I'm here with Nick and Ramona, my agent, for the opening of the show."

 

"Opening an exhibition? Then this is a working holiday?"

 

"Of course it’s work, Brian! And, um . . . if you're going to still be in town and you’re interested, you’re welcome to stop by and check it out. I'll put your name on the guest list, if you’d like."

 

"Maybe . . . I do plan to still be in town, so . . . maybe I’ll go. Who knows?"

 

At that moment, the boy interrupts, asking his father through continued sobbing, "Daddy can we do Tchibum?"

 

"Yes, Nick! We can do ‘Tchibum’."

 

“Tchibum?" Brian questions, intrigued.

 

"He wants to go to the pool."

 

At that moment, the beautiful redhead Brian had seen earlier, returns to the group.

 

"So, you've talked your father into going to the pool, is that what I hear, son?"

 

"Aunt Romie, I fell and got hurt."

 

"Oh, poor child! Come over and sit down on the lap of Tia Romie and I'll give you the special medicine that cures everything."

 

"Yea! Ice cream!"

 

The boy quickly abandons Justin’s arms and dashes for the redhead.

 

“Traitor! You’re abandoning me for dessert?"

 

"Well, this proves that he is definitely your son, Sunshine," Brian, can’t help but smile at Justin’s pouting expression.

 

“Now, Justin, aren’t you going to introduce me to your friend? Incidentally, he’s quite a beautiful friend, too." Comments Ramona, measuring every inch of Brian’s body with her eyes.

 

"Of course!” Justin blushes at his lack of manners. “Brian Kinney, a friend from Pittsburgh, meet Ramona Davies, my agent." Brian shakes hands with the redhead, who looks even more interested and somewhat amazed after hearing Justin’s brief introduction.

 

"Brian Kinney? Oh, my God, I should have recognized you!"

 

Justin looks intently at Ramona, rays of caution pouring from his blue eyes.

 

"Ramona, could you please take Nick to the pool? I’ll meet you there later."

 

"Of course! Already done. It’s a pleasure to meet you, Brian. I can call you ‘Brian’, can’t I?"

 

"Certainly. ‘Mr. Kinney’ was my late and thoroughly unlamented father. It’s a pleasure to meet you too, Ramona. Can I call you ‘Romona’?" Brian can’t stop flaunting his charm at the redhead, who he’s sure is enjoying it.

 

"Definitely, Brian!"

 

The young woman leaves the bar through a side door which opens onto the pool, leading the mini-Justin by the hand. The two men remain standing in the corner of the bar which is just now starting to fill with guests looking for a few drinks.

 

"Can I buy you a drink?"Brian asks Justin, trying to break the awkward silence.

 

"Sure. Let’s grab a table."

 

The two men head for a table in the corner of the bar and order their drinks when a waiter appears to serve them.

 

"So . . . you're here on vacation?" Justin tries to establish a conversation.

 

"Yeah. I thought I’d broaden my horizons, since the novelty value of the Pittsburgh gay scene is pretty small these days." Brian couldn’t resist replying in his typical snarky fashion.

 

"Knowing the way you work, I wonder that it took you this long to reach such a predicament," Justin couldn’t help but feel bad, wondering how many men have come and gone from the bed int he loft over the past six years. The bed, which for at least a short time, was his bed, too.

 

"Well, we all knew the day would come at some point! There are only so many men in Pittsburgh, after all. . . .”

 

Brian looked at Justin, he knew he shouldn’t even touch the subject, but he couldn’t stop himself. 

 

"The boy is gorgeous . . . A lot like you. I didn’t know you had a son. What’s his name?"

 

"Nick. Or rather, Nicholas. Ramona's sister, Sarah, is the biological mother. She was both the egg donor and the surrogate. Sarah’s a doctor. She works with ‘Doctors Without Borders’ and is in Nigeria at the moment. . . I’m so grateful to Sarah for what she did - helping me to have a child. I can’t imagine my life without Nick." Brian notes how Justin's eyes sparkle when he’s talking about the child.

 

"I know the feeling. I always knew you'd be a great dad one day. How old is he?"

 

"He just turned three years old about four months ago. And Gus? How is he?"

 

"He’s well! Right now he’s at summer camp. He plays basketball on the school team, he’s taller than I was when I was his age and he draws the attention of all the boys and girls of Pittsburgh." Brian speaks proudly of his son.

 

"I miss him so much. So, he lives in Pittsburgh?"

 

"Yeah! Once Lindsay and Mel separated, Lindsay returned to Pittsburgh. She’s teaching art classes again. Mel returned two years later and is working at her old office."

 

"Sorry to hear that the girls separated. Hopefully Gus and JR are okay with it."

 

"They are! Both their moms are more civilized separate than when they were together." Justin can’t stop smiling and Brian smiles back, even though looking at that smile is making him homesick.

 

"What about you, Justin? Where’s your husband - Nick’s other dad?" Brian regrets the words the moment the question is out of his mouth. He doesn’t really want to hear the answer.

 

"I’m the only father Nick has. I’m not married."Brian can’t help but feel his heart leap with joy when he hears what the blond just said.

 

"What happened to the ‘Love that Would Last An Eternity’?"

 

"Eternity isn’t as long as it used to be." 

 

Both men remember when those words were exchanged long ago.

 

"What happened?" Brian repeats his question. He couldn’t stop himself.

 

"We separated a little after Nick was born. Nathan couldn’t accept my success and that his work didn’t get the same recognition. We fought a lot. Eventually, he went back to New York and I stayed in London with Nick." Justin says without much emotion, looking at Brian with indifference.

 

"And Nick? Doesn’t Nathan still visit him?"

 

Justin looks up at Brian and the brunet can see the disappointment in his eyes.

 

"Nick has only one father, Brian. Me! When we parted, Nathan made it clear that he didn’t want anything to do with Nick. Since Nathan wasn’t his biological father, Nathan said the baby wouldn’t feel anything for him and he didn’t want to try to maintain some artificial link.  But, clearly, what it all came down to is that Nick didn’t mean anything to him. He hasn’t been part of our lives and it’s probably for the best. " Justin could barely hold back the tears of rage that rose as he talked of his ex.

 

"Asshole!" Brian reached out for Justin's hand which was resting on the table. The moment they touched a jolt of electricity ran through the two men.

 

Justin pulled his hand away and blushed violently. He took one last sip of his drink, then stood up from his chair.

 

"Well Brian, it was great to see you. I have to go, though. Nick is waiting for me in the pool and must be driving Ramona crazy by this point. If you are available on Friday, you should stop in at the Gallery. Your name will be on the list." Justin rises. Blue eyes find hazel for a moment.

 

"It was a pleasure seeing you, Justin" Brian emphasized the word ‘Pleasure’. "I hope my schedule will allow me come to your show. In the meantime, as we are staying at the same hotel, maybe we'll see each other around."

 

"Yeah, maybe."

 

"Later, Sunshine!"

 

"Later!"

 

Justin walks away toward the pool. Brian can’t help but admire the man as he walks away. 

 

‘How is it he’s still so beautiful?’ Brian muses. ‘He doesn’t look like he’s aged even a day. It’s as if I had seen him only yesterday and not six years ago. He’s here alone. Which is good . . . Forget it, Kinney! You don’t know that. Sure, his husband left the scene, but there is nothing preventing hims from having a boyfriend. . .  But . . . well, that is something that can easily be discovered.’

 

A smile remains on Brian’s lips as he follows to the pool area.


	4. Ramona Davies, Pleased To Meet You.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brian is resting in the sun watching Justin when Ramona decides that it's time to really get to know Brian Kinney.

Brian is lying in the large lounge chair next to the hotel pool, peeking out from behind his dark glasses while he observes the children's area of r03;r03;the pool where Justin is playing with his son. Despite the wide variety of muscular and tanned male bodies displayed under the hot Spanish sun for his enjoyment, he can't not tear his gaze from the blond man and the little boy. It's been six years. So many years without seeing Justin. And now, ironically, when he does see the man he's been hungering after, it's in this unlikely place, miles away from the Pitts - but without the expected husband and instead accompanied by a young son.

 

Brian ponders the unexpected situation.

 

He had finally decided to come to Spain. He had planned to enjoy all that Ibiza could offer. He needed to feel like the real Brian Kinney again - fucking everything he saw, dancing in the nightclubs, taking tricks to the backroom for a quick blowjob or a fast fuck and drinking in the bars until he couldn't see straight. He needed to once again feel the thrill of the hunt and the triumph of landing his chosen prey.

 

When he left Pittsburgh, had had also left behind all the unwanted and smothering attachments of the gang, the too familiar settings of Babylon and the whole gossip mill of the Liberty Avenue scene. He wanted that world to vanish - at least for the short time he was on vacation. Brian wasn't going back on his promise to Gus that he would reduce his rate of consumption of alcohol, and he now almost never used recreational drugs, only marijuana when he wanted to relax, but he did want to take a vacation from himself.

 

At least that was what he had decided until this morning. Until he entered the hotel bar and found the blond that is now so close to him. The blond who's hair is shining so brightly in the sunlight reflecting off the pool. ‘Sunshine' ... It suits him! Brian couldn't help the lesbionic thoughts that were flooding his brain.

 

What is he going to do now? How will he manage this unplanned return of Justin to his thoughts, not to mention the return of the blond vision in person, now that the man himself was there right in front of him, so beautiful and desirable?

 

Brian is still lost in his thoughts when he feels the movement of someone sitting next to him. He turns his head and is amazed to recognize the beautiful redhead sitting beside him.

 

"Enjoying the view?"

 

"What do you mean by that?"

 

"Nothing, just the fact that you can't look away from Justin and Nick."

 

"I'm not looking at them. That's just your impression."

 

"Well, maybe you're not looking at my nephew, but surely you've been staring at Justin the entire time you've been lying in this chair."

 

"Whether or not I'm looking at Justin, it's none of your business. Where I look and who I look at is something that only interests me and nobody else."

 

"Whoa! Easy there, Tiger! I come in peace. You need not show your claws and teeth."

 

"Leave me alone or quit talking nonsense!"

 

"All right! Changing the subject, what brings you to beautiful Ibiza?"

 

"Do you really want to stay here and ask me this shit?"

 

"Forgive me, but it's irresistible! I've heard so much about you over the last six years, and a lot of what I heard I didn't like, so then, let me tell you just one thing: I'm not only Justin's agent, I'm his friend. He's also the father of my nephew, who I love very much, and if you're thinking about hurting Justin, or Nick by extension, you should know that you'll have to go through me first. Am I being clear?"

 

Brian stares dumbfounded at the beautiful woman. Who does she think she is? How dare she threaten him? What does she know about him and Justin?

 

"Who do you think you are threatening me this way? I don't want anything to do with Justin. He is my past. I don't want to know him now. And besides, he has no right to talk about me to you."

 

"Glad to know that you want nothing to do with him. And for your information, Justin never told me about you. He didn't need to. Whenever Justin goes, there have been people who regaled me with the life and works of Brian Kinney, complete with all its chapters, censored or not."

 

Brian internally rages even more hearing this. He would be having a very interesting conversation with Emmett and Debbie when he arrived back in Pittsburgh. Unfortunately, he couldn't get to Jennifer who was currently living in Washington.

 

Meanwhile, Ramona, abandoning her overprotective conduct, turns and opens up with a beautiful smile and tells Brian:

 

"Please don't hate me. I simply can not see Justin suffer again. He's already been injured too much by Nathan. Not because he loved him, per se, although it's clear that they liked each other, but the asshole screwed around to no end, and eventually Justin couldn't stand it any longer. But what really hurt was Nathan's attitude in relation to Nick. That scored Justin deeply and he's never let anyone get too close to him since then."

 

"It sounds like he really was a bastard to both Justin and his son."

 

"I know that, at some point, Justin was very important to you, as you must have been to him. So all I ask is that you not open old wounds if you have no intention of healing them."

 

"Don't worry, I came here to have fun. I don't intend to hurt anyone." And I don't want to get hurt in process either, Brian can't help thinking.

 

"I'm happy for that. So, Brian . . . friends?" Ramona smiles and extends her hand to Brian.

 

"Of course." Brian shakes the redhead's hand.

 

Ramona grins and leaves Brian, heading toward an adorable blond who had been surreptitiously observing the conversation while keeping one eye on the bouncy boy about three year old boy in the pool nearby.

 

In the days that followed, Brian hardly saw Justin, Justin's son or the pitbull redhead who accompanied them. He did stay at the same hotel. He chose to leave the bars and nightclubs that confer the filling of the island offers and possibilities.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am very happy for the wonderful comments and the attention given to my story. Thank you <3


	5. A hot date.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A night of dancing and sex without commitment.

The men of various nationalities who were on the island were exactly what Brian expected to see and was looking for. Every one of them followed him with their eyes whenever he came into any room. He adored all the attention. He felt wanted again and never went long without offers of companionship or bids for his attention.

 

 

Brian had already established a routine. After dinner at one of the several excellent restaurants on the island, he would make his way to the Angelo Bar, where he'd have a drink and analyze his options until he found someone to take back to the secluded glade of palm trees behind the restaurant or, if he didn’t want to make the additional effort, he’d just pull his catch to the nearest men's room. After a while, he would head for his new favorite local dance club, the Nightclub Anfora, and lose himself for the rest of the night amid the welcoming throngs of horny half-naked dancing men, almost always ending his visit with a likely trick in the dark backroom.

 

 

He always woke up late the next morning, took breakfast in the room and then went to the sauna and swimming pool. In the three days since his meeting with Justin and the subsequent conversation with Ramona, he'd only seen the blond with his son twice, both times at the pool. On both occasions, they had barely exchanged a half dozen words then quickly gone their separate ways.

 

 

Brian has not approached Justin again. It wasn't because of the conversation he had with Ramona, though. He just doesn't want to approach the blond because Brian believes that it wouldn't be worth the effort trying anything with Justin even though he wanted it so much. Justin obviously had other priorities these days and apparently it seemed Brian no longer meant anything to him.

 

 

On Thursday, Brian was leaning against the bar at Anfora, admiring at all the brown, muscular, tanned and sweaty bodies dancing on the dance floor, when his eye was caught by a blond whose bright hair and pale clear skin clashed starkly set amid the almost uniform brown bodies elsewhere in the club. Brian can't suppress the jealousy he feels at seeing Justin, contorting his body sensually, sandwiched between two muscular men who are rubbing against him from in front as well as behind. Gulping the rest of his beer, Brian walks over to the trio and possessively grabs the blond around his waist, his other hand sliding behind the smaller man's neck and pulling him into a deep, possessive kiss.

 

 

The men, seeing the couple kissing with passion, leave the scene without any dispute and head for another part of the club, where they continue dancing, minus the blond filling from their former man-sandwich.

 

 

Justin pulls away from Brian, looking into his eyes and asks the darker man:

 

 

"Why did you do that?"

 

 

"I saw you dancing and I wanted to kiss you. So, I came over here and I kissed you. It's no big deal. Don't get any wild expectations in your blond little head."

 

 

"Fine. But, don't you go getting any expectations in your mind, either."

 

 

"So, Justin, will you dance with me, or do you just want to continue talking in the middle of the dance floor?"

 

 

"How about you buy me a drink, Brian, and we can talk a bit at the bar. Then, if you behave, maybe I'll dance with you."

 

 

The two make their way to the bar and order their drinks, enjoying the music for a moment in silence.

 

 

"Shouldn't you be with your son?"

 

 

"My son is with his aunt for the night. Tonight I'm just a single gay man enjoying the nightlife of Ibiza. I have to have a little fun, sometimes too, you know. Ramona kindly offered to watch Nick so I could have the night off and relax a bit before the exhibition opens tomorrow."

 

 

"Oh yes, the great Exhibition! I had forgotten." Brian hoped Justin would not catch his lie.

 

 

"I'm not surprised by that."

 

 

Brian sees the disappointment in Justin's eyes. Brian also can't help noticing how the blond sitting this close is affecting him. In an attempt to break the tension, Brian falls back on his standard distraction techniques.

 

 

"So, what do you think?"

 

 

"About what?"

 

 

"The Spanish tricks."

 

 

"You do know that most of the men here are not Spanish, right? They're of various different nationalities, all here on vacation just like you."

 

 

"Whatever! Which do you prefer?"

 

 

Justin remembers a time when they played this same game while at Babylon and he feels the nostalgia that the situation brings to mind. But he doesnt want to let Brian know how much it shakes him, so he decides to move on with the teasing.

 

 

"That one - no shirt, black pants and a tribal tattoo on his arm."

 

 

Brian looks at the man who has blond hair and dark green eyes, his body is muscular but not overly so, his skin is tanned, and he's wearing tight black jeans that don't leave much to the imagination. The package at the front of his pants is beautiful and his butt is spectacular. He is definitely the hottest available guy in the club, after Justin and himself, of course.

 

 

"Well, Sunshine! Your impeccable taste continues. Want to share him?"

 

 

Justin finishes his drink and smiles at Brian but moves away from the bar.

 

 

"I'm sorry, Brian, but I'm hungry and you know very well how I get when I'm hungry. I don't like to share, anything, with anyone."

 

 

Brian sees Justin sensually moving away toward the handsome man. He watches his former partner setting the scene of seduction and conquest. A scene which he's watched repeated so many times. Justin approaches and then puts his arms on the shoulders of the taller man. The prey's arms automatically loop around Justin's waist. Before long, they are grinding together rhythmically, dancing with great sensuality.

 

 

Brian isn't interested in watching any longer. He heads back to the bar and pulls a beautiful brunette that he'd been looking at for a long time already, out to the floor. Shortly after, Brian hooks his index finger into the front waistband of his trick's pants and drags him to the backroom.

 

 

Finding an empty corner, Brian leans back against the wall. He deftly avoids the kiss the trick wanted to give him, offering up his neck in place of his mouth. The man then opens Brian's shirt, kissing down his chest while Brian firmly leads him to kneel in front of him.

 

 

That's when Brian sees the two blonds who were dominating the entire dance floor only moment before. The taller blond is on his knees already, unzipping Justin's pants and releasing the familiar cock before taking it in his hand and putting it in his mouth. Justin closes his eyes and swallows, giving a groan that comes as a shock wave to Brian's ears. When Justin opens his eyes again, he finds that a familiar pair of hazel eyes have locked onto his and he can't seem to pull his gaze away.

 

 

The two men exchange looks while each of their tricks kneels before them. Brian can't escape the memories of another mouth and another paler hand on his body. This anonymous trick might have Brian's cock in his anonymous mouth and be massaging Brian's balls with his anonymous hand, but in his imagination it's Justin who is there, kneeling in front of him, providing pleasure to his body.

 

 

Justin also can't help but imagine Brian's hands and mouth covering every inch of his skin. He wants Brian's cock in his mouth right now. He feels the lack of the smell, taste and touch of the man. It's as if he were thirsty in the desert and only Brian could quench his unbelievable thirst. But Justin has other priorities now - he has Nick - he can't allow anyone, not even Brian Kinney, into his life without having the absolute certainty that whoever it was would never cause pain to his child. He now had a family and he knew that being a part of that scenario was likely the last thing Brian would ever wish for. 

 

 

The men stare intently at each other as the two tricks suck their dicks. The pleasure and desire is shared by both, each refusing to acknowledge the latent need to feel the other's body rather than the two strangers kneeling in front of them. It was so obvious. Anyone else looking at them at that moment would see it as clear as day.

 

 

The two tricks accelerate the pace of their blowjobs almost in sync. Both of the former lovers feel their orgasms forming and taking over their bodies, but no credit was due for the hardworking men who were administering the caresses to their dicks - all the intense feelings of pleasure that were shared by both were due solely to their steadily locked gaze, their eyes never straying, even for a second.

 

 

Brian and Justin climaxed together, each throwing his head back and letting out a groan at the exact same time as if they had choreographed the gesture. As soon as he felt recovered from the intense orgasm, Justin closed his pants and grabbed the trick by the arm, dragging him out of the backroom. Brian also grabbed the man before him but did turn to leave. Instead, Brian lifted him up and ordered him to stroke his cock. When Brian got hard again, he turned the trick towards the wall, sheathed his dick with a condom and penetrated the man deeply.


	6. Again.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brian decides to take advantage of what Ibiza can offer.
> 
> Brian goes in search of new possibilities.

Brian wakes up in his large King Size hotel bed with what he is sure is the mother of all headaches. Feeling the pain throbbing through his temples, he once again curses the way a certain blond has the ability to make him do all the stupidest things he'd ever done in his life.

 

 

Last night, after Justin left the backroom, trailing behind him one of the hottest guys that Brian had seen in recent times, all Brian could think to do was to continue fucking his trick. As soon as he got off, he returned to the dance floor, hoping to still find the blond somewhere in the club. But he quickly realized that his search for the artist would be vain. Justin was no longer anywhere in sight. So Brian had resumed his drinking, fucking and consuming of the drugs that were being provided by a Spanish version of Anita - who must use the same bathtub in Tijuana to prepare the stuff.

 

 

That was supposed to be who Brian was. The Brian who used the loud music, the alcohol and the drugs to anesthetize his mind, and the hands and mouths and hot naked flesh of countless men to numb the demands of his body. That was his song. Brian's show. Brian's element. That was the Brian Kinney who doesn't believe in love, only fucking. The one that doesn't do relationships and never repeats any fuck. The Brian who has no heart.

 

 

Of course, that's also the Brian Kinney who is the biggest liar on the planet, because he lied to the one person who will never be able to deceive: himself.

 

 

Contrary to popular belief, though, Brian Kinney does has a heart. A heart that refuses to accept that its true owner isn't here with him. A heart that was stolen from his chest the moment he looked at the boy who was lounging in the light of a certain streetlight, shining like a sunbeam, whose light was capable of piercing through the eternal night in Brian's darkness.

 

 

And then, the sunshine was gone and Brian was just there, alone in the crowd. A crowd that loved him and offered itself up to his delight, but didn't fill the void that remained like a gaping wound in his chest.

 

 

Justin had gone. He was probably somewhere out there with the blond trick he had chosen at the club. The trick that had taken Brian's rightful place. The trick that was even now where Brian should be: next to Justin's beautiful body.

 

 

Brian didn't want to imagine that hot muscular blond trick, playing with Justin's beautiful golden hair, caressing his skin, kissing his mouth, sucking his cock and penetrating his luscious body. Brian didn't want to imagine it, but the picture was very vivid and difficult to erase from his overactive brain. 

 

 

Brian can feel the bitter taste of jealousy taking control of him. Justin is his! Brian will never admit anything else. Justin belongs to him and will always be his, even though he is no longer allowed to touch the man.

 

 

The pain of losing Justin is something that Brian never wanted to experience again. He had tried to forget how much it hurt when the boy had left. How much his heart still hurt. The pain that lingered even after his heart had been torn out of his body. He didn't know if he could bear it if he had to go through it all again. 

 

 

Damn it, Justin Taylor! Why did he have to return after six years just to make Brian once again miserable?

 

 

Brian had already decided to go back to living his life without waiting for the impossible. He knew not to hope - that he'd never be really happy. He would simply be Brian Kinney. Always young and always beautiful, as Mikey never left him forget. He would follow the usual script: Drinks at Woody's; Occasional visits to the bathroom with a warm, willing mouth; Dancing at Babylon; and anonymous sex without commitment in the backroom. 

 

 

But then, out of the blue, here comes Justin, in all the glory of his beauty and more desirable than even Brian remembered. 

 

 

But Justin doesn't want him anymore. This Justin doesn't look at Brian the way he used to long ago. It seems that this Justin forgot him.

 

 

Brian's heart tightens in his chest ... Justin had stopped loving him. 

 

 

But what was even worse, however, was finding that he still loves Justin with every fiber of his heart.

 

 

So Brian feels forced to once again stage all the acts of his customary spectacle. He leads all the guys he can catch to the backroom with him throughout the rest of the night.

 

 

Returning to the reality of his miserable morning, resigned to his fate, he feels increasingly certain that there is some superior entity out there whose has nothing better to do than finding fun new ways to make him more and more unhappy. Brian heads for the bathroom. He's going to take a long bath and then he'll find out if there's anywhere in this damn hotel where he can get some painkillers for this fucking headache before it kills him. Right now, those are his only priorities.

 

 

 

After taking two Advil tablets provided by the hotel doctor and enduring a brief lecture about the importance of keeping the body hydrated when consuming alcohol, especially in hotter climates, Brian decides to go to the beach in front of the hotel to relax and take a swim. He resolves not to allow anything else to get to him. After all, he is on vacation. He's in Ibiza in search of fun and sex. That's why he came here. And he won't let Justin's arrival stop him from reaching that goal.

 

 

Now he just needs to figure out how to get the blond who's plaguing his thoughts out of his head.

 

 

The beach is full of tourists who are enjoying the summer sun. The tanned and muscular bodies, the swim trunks that didn't hide much of anything, it was Brian's version of Paradise.

 

 

"For Joan, perhaps hell," he laughed to himself. 

 

 

He wants to enjoy everything these beautiful men might offer. After all, he's traveled hundreds of miles to get here. He owes it to himself to enjoy all that Ibiza can provide.

 

 

But he can't get himself to stop thinking about the body he so desires, the light skin and bright blond hair shining in the sun, the blue eyes that rival the color of the clear ocean all around him. Justin's image is all Brian can see. The man is so close and yet so far. 

 

 

Hell! What's next, writing poetry to the guy? Now it was official: Brian Kinney has become a lesbian! If he could be sure he wouldn't be arrested, he would peel his trunks off right here and now, just to make sure his cock hadn't fallen off.

 

 

This calls for urgent measures. Brian needs to get back his normal perspective on life. Either that, or he'd need to call Cynthia and ask her to take the necessary measures to get him signed into the closest looney bin. 

 

 

Brian decides to focus on his original goal: looking for bodies, tanned by the sun, who would be allowed the privilege of sharing his bed with him that afternoon.

 

 

Brian reclines on a lounge chair by the sea and puts on his sexiest designer sunglasses, watching the men on the beach, their bodies bathed by sun and saltwater. Brian notices a beautiful brunette with dark eyes who's been scrutinizing him minutely. The analytical look proves he's interested, and of course, the attention immediately makes Brian's cock harden. The trick smiles at Brian Kinney, who gives back the best smile he can manage right now. The man approaches Brian, lying on the lounge chair beside him. Brian's luck is still with him. All is not lost.

 

 

Brian has found his fun and now nothing will prevent him from enjoying it to the fullest.

 

 

Brian stands up and waves to the trick, ready to escort him into the hotel. 

 

It's summer! 

 

He's in Ibiza! 

 

And once again, the world revolves around Brian Kinney.


	7. The Exhibition

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Justin never lost his inspiration.

Brian looks at the imposing facade of the building in front of him and wondered for the hundredth time what he was doing there.

 

 

After expelling his latest trick - the one he'd found on the hotel beach as he was stumbling back to his room earlier that morning - Brian took a relaxing bath and changed several times until he found the one outfit that satisfied him. He tried to fool himself that he was NOT preparing to see Justin. He didn't give a damn about Justin's show. In fact, he planned to stay as far away as possible from the gallery where Justin would be that night. So as Brian tried on another shirt and looked in the hotel room mirror, he had almost convinced himself that he was ready to hit the bars and once again enjoy all the pleasures that Ibiza could provide for him.

 

 

He really did NOT want to go to the Gallery and see Justin again. He did NOT want to watch Justin from a distance, always keeping a safe gap between them. He did NOT want to observe, once again, that Justin didn't love him anymore. He did NOT want to be rejected again. He would NOT give Justin any more power to affect his emotions than he ready had. He is Brian Kinney! And no cute little twink would be able to master him ever again.

 

 

But now he's standing in front of the gallery where Justin's works are being displayed and he can't decide whether to enter or go running back to Pittsburgh.

 

 

Hell! Among all the things in the world that can Brian Kinney could be accused of, being a coward was never one of them. Being an idiot, maybe! Coward, never!

 

 

After one more internal debate, Brian decides to just get it over with. He will go to the Gallery and see Justin again. After all, he told himself, he wasn't really going there to see the boy - boy, not man - he wanted to see the artwork. He'd always liked Justin's work and was curious to know what he was doing now and how his work had improved after all these years.

 

 

But, once he's at the Gallery, observing the exhibited works, Brian is shocked into acknowledging that time had only increased his longing for Justin. He missed all the times they'd spent together. He missed the times when he felt confident that Justin would keep his heart safe. 

 

 

Here, portrayed in front of the entire world, is the entire history of Brian and Justin together. Everything they had lived. Everything they had been to each other. Everything they had endured.

 

 

Most of the works are abstract. Just a group of vibrant colors and undefined forms that only he and Justin know the real meaning of. A lamppost lighting up the night, a handkerchief with red spots draped across a broken violin, people celebrating the a small victory against homophobia by dancing in the street on Liberty Avenue. 

 

 

There is a picture of the Pride Parade, complete with a group of lesbians on motorcycles, the PFLAG contingent with Michael dressed in drag walking alongside Debbie, a self-portrait of Justin with his mother, Jennifer, walking proudly behind him, and, in the background, Brian himself with Gus in his lap, sitting on the sidelines.

 

 

Several other frames hold masculine silhouettes that could easily be recognized as one or both of them. In another group of pictures, he can see his empty loft, the blue lights shining down on his bed. Over there is a large Tudor-style mansion.

 

 

Then, Brian's attention focuses on a large tableau where you could see two men dancing in the middle of a multi-colored background: A dance not to be forgotten. And he hadn't forgotten. Brian has to fight back tears. Could he have been mistaken? Maybe Justin hadn't forgotten him either?

 

 

Brian puts a sticker indicating that intends to purchase the painting on the plaque describing the nearby piece of art. Immediately, he hears a deep voice at his side.

 

 

"You don't need to buy it."

 

 

Brian looks up at Justin before replying:

 

 

"Is it for sale or is it part of the artist's private collection?"

 

 

"It is for sale, but if you really want, I'd be happy to give it to you."

 

 

"You shouldn't be so generous with your work."

 

 

"It's a very important piece to me. And, I can't think of anyone better than you to have it. So just accept this one as a gift. You can buy another."

 

 

"Which one?"

 

 

"Pride." 

 

 

"Oh that should be fun. I think I'm going to enjoy watching Mikey's face when he finds out you painted him as a drag queen."

 

 

The two begin to laugh together. Brian watches Justin's smile. Fuck, how he missed that smile - how he missed the man who was now at his side.

 

 

"I wasn't sure you'd come." Justin smiles as he recalls another moment when those same words had been said.

 

 

"Neither was I." _ Brian smiled at the irony of the situation.

 

 

"So, do you like it?" Justin continues to have fun rehearing the dialogue that had occurred so long ago.

 

 

"If I like it, will it make it better?"

 

 

"No."

 

 

"Will it make you like it more or less?"

 

 

"No."

 

 

"Will It will make you richer?"

 

 

"No."

 

 

"Then why do you care about my damn opinion. I still don't know anything about art. But I have to admit that I do find this very weird."

 

 

"Well that's something, at least. It's sort of a breakthrough."

 

 

"You should be very proud."

 

 

"I am. Especially since I apparently managed to take you by surprise. I like knowing that I can still surprise you."

 

 

"You always surprise me. In so many ways. And, not only with your painting. You have so many other surprising talents," Brian takes a deep breath before whispering into Justin's ear. "It's been a long time since I fucked anyone with artistic talents that could compare to yours. Just so you know!"

 

 

Again, Brian moves away. Justin watches and ponders how hard it is to resist the dark haired man. Ever since he'd first seen Brian, all he ever wanted was to be in his arms. 

 

 

Last night, he'd was left the club with the trick, led him back to the hotel and fucked him several times. But, despite feeling the physical satisfaction that a good fuck always gives, his heart didn't want the man who was in bed with him. His heart wanted Brian.

 

 

He missed Brian. He'd always missed the man - that longing never completely left him. But now, being in the same city with him, so close after so long, only added to his need to be with the man he has always loved and never forgotten.

 

 

But Justin would not allow Brian to simply walk back into his life. He knew it would be a bad decision. His life now was very different from what it once had been. His son was his main priority now. He couldn't put his feelings, his desires, above the boy's needs.

 

 

Trying to hide his sadness and forcing a smile, Justin heads for Mr. Ramirez, who's calling him over to introduce him to several important gallery patrons. Brian puts another purchse sticker on the painting that depicts the Pride Parade. That scene seemed like it was so long ago, almost as if it occurred in another life. But, Justin is obviously still thinking about that life. The works he's exhibiting are proof. The looks Brian had been exchanging with the blond, further increase his certainty. The old familiarity, the intimacy, is still there. That hasn't disappeared and it gives Brian hope that does the blond's feelings for him might still be there, too. Everything he sees tells him that Justin has not forgotten.

 

 

Brian can't help wondering if somehow, someway, it might be possible to bring Justin back into his life.

 

 

As if hearing his unspoken question, Brian realizes the pittbul redhead has materialized next.

 

 

"He never forgot you."

 

 

"You don't know that," Brian is amazed that he's made this confession.

 

 

"I know. And you can believe it, or not - it's your choice. But, if you really want him back, you're going to have to work hard to win back his trust. I'll help, any way I can. Just be sure that I won't regret my decision to help you."

 

 

"Justin's an adult. He doesn't need anyone protecting him from the cruel world of evil men."

 

 

"I just don't want to have to pick up the pieces that you leave behind."

 

 

"You don't know anything. You don't know me and you have no right to judge me."

 

 

"I told you, Brian, I'm not your enemy. I just don't want to see Justin suffer. And I think we're in agreement on that particular point."

 

 

"You must have read too many cheesy romance novels. You shouldn't believe all the romantic nonsense that a certain colorful lady or some nelly-bottom queen sold you as truth."

 

 

"I do not need to believe what I was told by Debbie or Emmett. I can see the truth with my own eyes - I can see you and Justin."

 

 

"And what is it you think you see?"

 

 

"You'd know better than I do. If you want him, you can get him! Don't let Justin convince you that he doesn't want this just as much as you do."

 

 

"I'm not interested."

 

 

"I'll try to believe you."

 

 

Ramona moves away from Brian and walks towards the group formed by Justin, the manager of the gallery and several men interested in the blond's art. The brunette woman looks arrogant and very sure of herself. But, what did she know? How can she keep believing that Brian could ever tell Justin what he should or should not do? 

 

 

That woman had an innate ability to irritate Brian deeply, but he refused to allow the redheaded pit bull to destroy his night. Brian left the Gallery, grabbed a cab and headed to Anfora. He would dance, drink and have sex with anyone who was willing to worship his cock. The perfect evening, right?


	8. Here comes the Sun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Justin admits to Brian, "I never learned how to forget you."

Brian was frustrated. How come, on this whole damn island there is no decent ass worth fucking and nobody who seems to know how to give a half-way good blowjob? Well, he knows there's at least one exquisite ass somewhere not too far away - but, the owner of that perfect ass, who also just happens to have the most talented mouth he's ever known, is so out of his reach that it only increases his frustration.

 

 

Justin is keeping himself distant and Brian understands why. Throughout his history with Justin they've always been haunted by uncertainty and mistrust in relation to their feelings. At first it seemed only Brian was subject to such uncertainty. Now the blond apparently had the same fears.

 

 

"Congratulations Kinney, you are reaping what you sow!" 

 

 

The boy who always seemed so confident in his be ability to make Brian love him, has now changed into a man who was afraid of love, afraid of how it could hurt him. Brian didn't blame him. He'd done the same in the past and probably would have acted just like Justin now, especially if his child was likely to be hurt in the process.

 

 

Brian still loved Justin with every fiber of his heart, but wasn't sure he was ready to open himself up, exposing everything he held dear, and risk it all for the mere chance of winning this man's love. Could he take that risk? Was he brave enough, strong enough? That was the million dollar question. And Brian was afraid to find out what the answer was.

 

 

Brian pulled away from the trick on his knees who believed he was giving one utterly great blowjob. He struggled briefly, trying to keep Brian in place. But Brian was no longer even vaguely interested. He closed up his pants and headed for the exit of the club. He needed to leave. He needed time to assess his feelings and emotions.

 

 

Brian begins to walk down the beachfront. He won't go into the hotel. Perhaps the warm breeze coming from the sea and the sound of the ocean can help him re-evaluate his life and figure out what really matters to him.

 

 

Justin is walking along the beach too. From his distant spot he can just barely glimpse the luxury hotel where he was staying. He has given up trying to sleep and decided to stroll along the coastal strip to think about all that had happened in the last few days.

 

 

When had accepted the invitation to exhibit his work in several cities in Spain, he never would have dreamed of meeting Brian in any of them. It had been so long since they had last seen each other, that Justin had already convinced himself he would never be reunited with the man he would always love. Brian has always been and will always be a constant in his life, even when they were physiclly separated. Justin could never forget Brian. 

 

 

Even now, after a failed marriage to someone he thought he'd loved and the subsequent string of many other misguided men, all of whom had passed through his bed, Brian was still deeply rooted in his heart and his soul. No other man had given ever been able to Justin the whole range of sensations and feelings that he had only ever experienced with Brian Kinney. No one has come close to replacing Brian Kinney. Those words that Brian had uttered the first time they made love (Yes, it was always love, whatever Brian think or say), had been prophetic. Brian was always there, no matter who he was with, it was Brian who he wanted at that moment touching his skin and inside his body.

 

 

The desire he still felt for the man was so intense that Justin was having a hard time controlling his desire to jump on Brian, rip off all his clothes and beg Brian to fuck him without caring about anyone or anything else around them.

 

 

But Justin knows he can't do that. He has a son now and Nick has to be his only priority. He can't bear the idea that the boy might get hurt. He cant let his feelings for Brian take over without knowing what affect it might have on his son. Justin didn't think it was fair to the boy to expose him to another man who couldn't be counted on to remain a solid part of their lives. Not after Nathan. And, he would never try to just impose a family on Brian. Justin knows he has to say goodbye. He just doesn't know how. How will he ever be able to say goodbye to Brian and manage to endure the rest of his life without him.

 

 

Justin groans in frustration at the thought of his imminent departure in two days, knowing that once he leaves this place, he will never see Brian again.

 

 

He lights a cigarette and walks to a set of stones by the sea, hoping the breeze off the ocean and the sound of the water hitting the rocks will calm his heart. He has to get a grip. He needs to take his memories of Brian into himself, bury them deep and keep them hidden, smothering his feelings.

 

 

As he approaches the rocks, Justin recognizes the male figure who apparently had something of the same idea. the seated figure is also smoking a cigarette, enjoying the summer breeze and the soothing sounds of the ocean. Of course it's Brian. With his luck he should have expected it.

 

 

"You lost, Señor Taylor?"

 

 

"No. I can't sleep and so I decided to take a walk."

 

 

"A lot of emotions keeping you awake?"

 

 

"Maybe."

 

 

"I didn't realize that I would still be such a great inspiration for your work."

 

 

"You never ceased to be. Somehow, I never learned how to forget you."

 

 

Brian couldn't help feeling the truth was hidden somewhere behind that statement.

 

 

"It's been a long time, Sunshine."

 

 

"Six years, two months, eighteen days and ..."

 

 

"Three hours and forty two minutes. But who's counting?"

 

 

The two men look at each other intensely. Neither could ever withstand the other. The desire was too strong and before either one could reason about what they were doing, their mouths were already united in an intense kiss. Justin opens his mouth allowing Brian's tongue deeper into his mouth, letting it explore, and he groans again as he realizes he is once again in the arms of the man he loves more than his own life.

 

 

Brian begins removing Justin's shirt, as the blonde does the same for him. The two men can't control the arousal they feel while they mindlessly discard each others clothes. When they're both naked, they use their clothing to cover the sand, allowing Justin lie on his back with Brian lying atop his smaller body.

 

 

Justin laughs as Brian draws a line with his tongue from his neck down to his earlobe. Then Justin turns his body, flipping them both, leaving Brian now lying beneath. He glances at Brian with a predatory leer and then starts licking the neck of the darker man.

 

 

"Oh God," Brian moans as he grabs Justin by the hips, pulling the warm body more firmly on top of him. "I missed you," he murmurs.

 

 

Justin moves his body slowly again, letting their hard dicks rub together. He licks Brian's voluptuous lips and then kisses him. Brian groans and rolls them over again. Justin laughs once more, unable to repress the happiness he feels in his heart at this moment.

 

 

"God, Brian."

 

 

"Justin ..." Brian whispers, pulling him tighter into his arms.

 

 

They're laughing as they play, their bodies joined, caressing, kissing, sucking ... Their breath quickens as both men become more aroused, happy to be once again in each other's arms.

 

 

Brian rescues a condom and a small tube of lube from his pants. He puts a generous amount on his fingers and starts to prepare Justin's body to receive him. Feeling Brian's fingers at the entrance of his body, Justin can't contain his moan of pleasure and pain. He takes a deep breath. Looking deep into his lover's hazel eyes, Justin blushes.

 

 

"Brian, please ... Slowly ... it's been a long time."

 

 

Brian looks questioningly at those blue eyes that he'd missed so much.

 

 

"How long?"

 

 

"Six years, two months, eighteen days and five hours ... But who's counting?"

 

 

Brian couldn't help feeling a thrill, knowing that Justin hadn't bottomed for anyone else during all these years. He smiles at the man he loves.

 

 

"Sunshine ..." The knot of emotion that is forming in his throat prevents Brian from saying anything else.

 

 

"Brian, makes love to me," Justin pleads, grabbing Brian by the nape of the neck. Brian lets the blond pull him into a kiss. They are both quiet from that point on until Brian slowly thrusts into Justin.

 

 

"Brian," Justin moans.

 

 

"God, yes!" Brian makes a deep guttural noise. 

 

 

He remembers how he had tried to erase Justin with trick after trick, but it had never worked. Now he had the blonde in his arms again and he was willing to do anything to keep it that way.

 

 

"I love you, Brian." Justin gasps.

 

 

"Sunshine, I love you too. So much!" Brian whispers.

 

 

Brian's movements intensify, building, carrying the two bodies on to orgasm with a fervor that neither had ever felt with other people, but which they'd always felt when together.

 

 

Brian nuzzles Justin and smiles again. He is back with the blond and he feels alive again. He's home. And, even better, he could tell they both feel the same way.

 

 

Brian looks into the eyes of the man he loves, getting lost in the intensity of love he sees reflected there. Both men just can't seem to stop smiling. Brian can't help but feel an immense happiness at seeing that wonderful Sunshine smile. How he longs to ensure that that smile will always be there to light up his life.

 

 

As soon as their breathing becomes once again more regular, the two men dress and walk back to the hotel. They have the whole night ahead.


	9. I don't want to say goodbye.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Justin decides to return to London, while Brian remains in Ibiza.

Brian buries his fingers in Justin's shaggy blond hair while the younger man slept beside him. The first rays of the summer morning come through the cracks of the hotel window shades and soon Justin awakens from slumber.

Brian never tires of admiring the beauty of the sleeping man. The alabaster skin, full pink lips on a perfectly shaped mouth, his button nose, his long dark golden eyelashes and blue eyes so intense, so full of passion ... to Brian it's perfection. The most beautiful man he has ever seen.

But, it isn't only Justin's physical beauty that charms those who know him. He's always had a special glow that radiates from him, and which provides a beacon of light to everyone who has the privilege of living with Sunshine. Brian wants Justin. He wants to be able to hold onto that light. To never allow Justin to move away from his side again. He wants Justin beside him forever.

This time, however, the prospect that his time with Justin might possibly be short, filled Brian with fear. Fear that he can't go on without Justin in his life. He needs to talk to Justin and find a way to stay together, even if they are on different continents. Justin disappearing from his life again is not, in any way, an option.

Justin's long lashes flutter, trying to get used to the summer sunshine that fills the room. Opening his eyes, he sees the smile on Brian's face and he can't avoid the feeling like he's drowning in the hazel eyes that he's missed seeing for so long.

"Hey!" Justin smiles a greeting in Brian's direction.

"Hey!" Brian replies, kissing the blonde and pulling him tighter into his arms.

"I miss that. Waking up beside you. Seeing you as soon as I wake up, smelling you, your breath, your arms holding me. The way I can still feel you inside my body the next day ..." Justin blushes a little at all these admissions.

"I missed you too, Sunshine."

"I still love you Brian."

"I love you too, Justin." Brian takes a deep breath. He needs to talk to Justin and tell him what's in his heart. "I don't want to lose you. I feel like I've missed you so much. I don't want to feel like this any more."

"Brian, we can't be together. We tried that and it didn't work. Pittsburgh and New York are only separated by a few hundred miles and we couldn't keep our relationship going. How can we make it work now that we're in different continents and separated by an ocean? "

"We can try to make it work."

"I can't afford to just 'try', Brian. I can't have a relationship with a person who might disappear out of my life at any time without warning. I have to think about my son. He is my priority. And, I don't want to impose a family on you. "

"You're not imposing a family on me. I know that if I'm with you, your child will be part of that, too. I have no problem with that."

"Brian, I can't be with someone who isn't fully committed. I need someone that can be there for me for my entire life. Someone who will be there for me and only for me."

"You want romance, flowers, picnics and monogamy?"

"No, Brian I don't want the whole fucking romantic thing that I thought I needed when I was eighteen. I just want someone to love me, and only me. I want to be enough for him. And, I know that isn't possibile for you."

"I told you once that I was able to do that."

"But you changed your mind and I respect that. I always respected that about you, Brian. You're always honest with me and you'll never try to trick me or make me promises you can't fulfill. You never broke any of the promises you made to me and I love you even more because of that."

"What if I want to give you this now?"

"I want you to be true to yourself and not offer something like that simply to please me. No sacrifices, remember?"

"I don't know if I'm ready for that, Justin."

"I know. It's okay. Look, I'm going to be here for two more days. Want you to stay with me for at least that long?"

"And then?"

"Then I go back to London and you continue to take advantage of all the men of Ibiza, as well as all the men who are waiting for your return to Pittsburgh."

"And when will I see you again?"

"I don't know. Maybe soon. Maybe never. It's just time, you know."

"It's just time."

Then they just look at each other. All they wish they could say, but don't have the courage to voice, can still be read in their eyes. Brian closes his eyes and tilts his head back, his hand resting in Justin's hair. He reaches the other hand out and curls it behind Justin's neck, pulling his face to his mouth in a kiss.

Justin lays down, drapes himself across Brian's body, and trails his fingers along the dark golden skin. He leans in to bite at Brian's nipples and then moves down his body, always sucking and biting along the way until he reaches the other man's crotch where he quickly takes Brian's cock in his mouth.

After all these years without the blond being part of his life, the feeling of having Justin's mouth on his cock causes an electric shock to light up Brian's senses. Brian had forgotten how talented Justin is with his tongue. He comes almost immediately, like a teenager getting his first blowjob.

Justin pulls him closer and Brian returns the favor by taking Justin into his own mouth. Justin's thrashing hips and quiet moans drive Brian on. Brian sucks, licks and bites, by relearning the taste of the sweet blond body. Justin's feel, his taste, was an experience never to be forgotten and always desired by Brian. Justin moans loudly, becoming demanding and begging Brian to speed up. But Brian doesn't want Justin to come yet. He wants to keep on enjoying Justin's body. Wrapping his arms around Justin's still slim body, Brian pulls him to his chest even harder, covering the other man with his own body.

Their dicks are both hard and leaking. Brian rubs his hips against Justin's body and then attacks the blond's mouth with his. His hands twine into the blond hair, sinking into the long soft strands and stroking his scalp, making Justin purr like a cat. Justin's legs spread to accomodate Brian's body. Justin lifts his hips and wraps his legs around Brian's body, pulling him closer. He crosses his ankles behind Brian's back, snapping their hips together sharply. For both men it feels so right, so perfect. The way their bodies fit together increases their excitement. They press against each other, running their hands over each other's skin, their movements hard and fast and sure.

Brian is on the verge of losing all control and he's so desperate to enjoy every minute with Justin that he almost let's go - but just when he feels he's almost at the edge of the cliff, he stops, letting the weight of his entire body press into Justin, forcing the other man to also stop moving. 

Looking into Justin's eyes, Brian feels every emotion he had been successfully holding back until just moments before, breaking free. He can no longer master Them. He can't stop wondering how he'll ever be able to live without being able to look into the passionate blue eyes of the man beneath him. He understands why Justin can't accept him again back into his life. He understands that Justin fears going through the whole emotional marathon again, having to relive all the pain and suffering he had inflicted all the years they had been together. Sometimes the pain had been inadvertent, but often it had been intentional. He knows Justin's fears are at least partially justified.

Brian knows that to keep Justin in his life, he will have to commit himself completely and give up everything he once thought was unquestionable. But his biggest fear isn't that he won't be able to make the committment. His biggest fear was that he wouldn't be worthy of that committement.

Brian knows he isn't worth it - he's a fucking cruel, arrogant, hypocritical and heartless person. Although he thinks he could try to be a better man, he isn't sure he could make it. It's completely against his nature, or so he thinks. He understands that he can't simply impose himself again into Justin's the life like this. He'll have to work hard to win back the Twink again and his fear of failure is the main thing preventing Brian from trying. If he wants to recover Justin's love, he has to risk everything. He'll have to take a blind leap of faith from the cliff and he's still not sure he can do that.

Sunshine always believed him. But now that the boy has become a man, he needs the security of a commitment. Brian wants to commit, but the fear keeps growing. What if he makes the commitment and then Justin one day changes his mind? What if he regrets taking Brian back. And what if Justin stops loving him? 

Brian's insecurities are larger than his certainty that Justin is a miracle of love and the only chance for true happiness he'll ever have. But it would be worth it if only he could somehow be sure that having Justin in his life would help him escape all these insecurities, fears and suspicions that have always been part of his life. Brian has always felt unsure about his ability to make Justin happy. Could he do it now? The sensation of Justin lying beneath him, hot, sweaty and hard, increases the whirlwind of confusing emotions that are shaking him. Brian is on the brink, only a step away from losing the tenuous control he has on his emotions. 

Brian settles his head into the crook of Justin's neck, kissing, nibbling and biting the places that he knows drive the other man mad. He feels Justin begin to squirm under him and with a soft sigh Brian rolls them till Justin is again lying on top of Brian, riding him. Brian runs his hands up Justin's thighs, strokes his ass and then moves his hands up his chest and neck, making Justin lean into his touch. Finally resting his hand on the nape of his lover's neck, he grabbed his hair and gently pulls Justin down for a kiss.

The kiss is slow and deep, full of love and surrender. Neither wants to lose touch with the other's body. They both need to feel every part of the other's body in contact with their own. Each of them needs this connection that they've always shared. They know it will be very diffícult to learn to live without it.

"Justin, I want you!"

Justin smiles at Brian and reaches towards the nightstand, picking up condoms and lubricant. He opens the condom package and rolls the latex sheath down Brian's cock, then squirts a dollop of lube into Brian's hand.

"Brian," Justin murmurs the name and looks up at him as he opens his legs wider, his hands traveling all over Brian's chest, gently massaging the muscles, showing through his touch all his warmth and desire for Brian's body.

Brian grabs Justin, pulling him into another kiss, this time more urgent and demanding. Brian pushes Justin further and further back until once again their positions are reversed and his taller longer body covers the shorter blond. Brian shifts his weight enough so he can move down between Justin's legs, using his lubed fingers to start probing around Justin's opening. Justin feels like his body is on fire. He's unable to contain the scream as he feels as Brian's fingers invade his body, massaging his prostate. Soon, Brian's talented mouth joins in the assault and Justin thinks he can no longer contain himself.

Knowing how close Justin is, Brian stops his torture on the blond's body for a little bit, lifting up to cover Justin's mouth with a new kiss. When their mouths part again, Brian looks into the deep blue eyes and manages to utter aloud the three words he has only been saying up till now with his body: "I love you!"

The blond looks at him with such adoration and love that Brian's eyes begin to well with unaccustomed tears. Brian barely manages to hold them back, holding the excitement back deep within his heart. He can't afford to let Justin see him break like that because, afterwards, he would never be able to bounce back again. Justin deserves a whole man, not someone as broken and damaged as Brian.

Brian takes the lubricant from Justin's hands, and after applying a good amount to his sheathed dick, he positions himself at the younger man's entrance. With eyes closed, Brian slowly presses into the depths of the body beneath him, feeling the sense of belonging that can only happen with Justin in his arms. Justin feels a slight amount of pain, but that's soon replaced by the immense pleasure of having Brian inside his body, feeling Brian fully entering him, completing him, filling him. Brian pauses in his movements, waiting until Justin relaxes and the pain passes.Brian has his hands in Justin's hair and his lips on justin's neck, licking and kissing while he patiently waits. When Justin lifts his hips slightly, causing Brian's cock to bump against his prostate, he sighs aloud at the intense feeling. A moment later, Brian starts moving and Justin is carried away by the waves of pleasure that take over his body.

Brian moves slowly, with deliberate thrusts that send shock waves through Justin's body. Justin doesn't want him to stop, but at the same, time he also wants him to go faster. He is desperate to come yet he also wants this time with Brian to go on forever.

Justin grabs hold of Brian's ass and presses his hips up, meeting each of Brian's assaults with one of his own, sending Brian's cock even deeper inside his body. Brian is panting both from the effort and from feeling the intense pleasure of once again being inside Justin's body. He lifts his head to look at Justin, whose return gaze is so intense.

Justin feels tears pricking at his eyes. He can no longer control his emotions as he looks at Brian and feels that this is once again a farewell. He lets the tears flow freely down his face, but keeping his eyes focused on Brian. He wants to see Brian's face while he's inside. He wants to see Brian when he comes. He wants to capture that firey image inside his brain so he'll never forget it as long as he lives and, if possible, he'll take it with him even beyond life. God, he was beautiful. For Justin, Brian is still the face of God. The face that was always with him during all the years of distance and absence.

As he looks at Justin's face and watches the tears run down those soft cheeks, Brian bravely resists his own impending flood of tears. He doesn't want to surrender to the realization of their parting. He will be with Justin again. He needs this man to live. Justin is worth any effort that Brian might have to make. Brian needs to convince Justin that he in turn is also worth the effort.

Brian pulls Justin tighter against his chest, holding him tightly as they move together. Brian slants his hips, pushing his cock deeper into Justin's ass, while Justin lifts his hips to angle himself so that Brian's rod increasingly hits his prostate. Brian can feel Justin's hot breath on his bare chest, he can feel Justin's hands grabbing his hair, his fingers massaging Brian's scalp and then gently brushing away strands of hair that have fallen onto his face.

The sensations building up in the two men resemble the tension that accumulates in a volcano that's about to erupt. Brian's breath catches in his throat as he tries one last time to choke back the tears that threaten to break free. He feels like this is once again goodbye. And if he is going to lose Justin again, then he should be allowed to weep for what will soon be lost. Justin looks up at Brian when the tears finally start rolling down the beautiful dark face. The tears of both men now mingle freely.

Brian takes his emotions to the extreme. The pain he's feeling translates into motion and he moves harder and faster within Justin's body. Justin wraps his legs around Brian, holding tight and keeping Brian firmly inside. Between their bodies, Justin's cock is hard and firm, leaking from the tip as he approaches his limit. Justin pleads with the older man, moaning, whining and begging for Brian to fuck him harder, faster and deeper. He lifts his hips slightly to adjust the angle of entry and Brian feels the pressure difference immediately. He blinks his eyes, still wet with tears, as waves of pleasure run down his body. He moans loudly, allowing a cry to escape his lips. Brian pulls his hands away from Justin's hair and very carefully moves to caress the beautiful face. Brian's soft touch makes Justin's heartache grow, weakening any bit of resistance he might still have in reserve. Soon, new waves of pleasure as well as tears overwhelm him. Justin needs Brian within him. He wants to be able to feel Brian inside him forever.

Brian pushes deeper into Justin, increasing the depth of his penetration with each thrust. Brian feels Justin's body trembling beneath him, and realizes that neither of them will last much longer. Brian takes the other man's cock in his hand, stroking it hard and forcefully pulling the orgasm out of Justin's body.

"Come for me, Sunshine" As if his body was just waiting for the order, Justin feels his orgasm take over as he pours himself into Brian's hands, covering his fingers with his hot cum.

"Brian, I love you!" Justin's husky voice serves as the ultimate stimulus leading Brian to his own release. The contractions of pleasure from Justin's body lead Brian to meet his own orgasm, spilling his cum and filling the condom.

The two men keep their bodies together, holding tightly while recovering the rhythm of their breath. Kissing Justin's mouth, Brian finally withdraws slowly from the other man's body. Justin moans at the sense of loss and the emptiness. Without exchanging furthur words, Brian discards the condom in the trash and then pulls Justin into his arms, kissing the top of his head. They stay that way, feeling the breath and the warmth of each other.

\-------------

In the two days that follow before Justin's return to London, the men stay together at all times. Brian spends more time with Nick, finding that it isn't just physically that the boy resembles his father. Brian feels like he's seeing a little boy version of the seventeen-year-old who once stormed into his life. And, as passionate as he is about the father, Brian is just as taken with love for the son.

Justin tries to stand firm in his decision not to resume his relationship with Brian. He just couldn't survive if, after taking Brian back into his life, he lost him again after only a short while. He knows he can't live with the ongoing expectation that one day Brian will push him back out of his life.

The day Justin is due to return to London, Brian decides to stay in his room. He doesn't want to watch the sun disappear again from his life. His only companion a bottle of whiskey, Brian looks out at the beautiful island beach from his balcony and wonders whether the abundance of male bodies he sees in front of him will be enough to get him through the years of endless loneliness that stretch out into his future.

He's irritated when he answers the door, wondering who's the asshole now trying to break fown his door that doesn't understand the meaning of the "Do Not Disturb" sign. He's greeted as he opens the door by a smiling Ramona, who immediately pushes her way into the room without an invitation. 

"May I come in?"

"You're already in." Brian begins to question why he's been cursed with redheaded women who strive to torment him.

"You aren't going to say goodbye?"

"Well, I wasn't, but as you're here: goodbye, it was a pleasure and I hope not to see you ever again."

"Gee, Mr. Kinney, I told you that I am not your enemy."

"If I considered you my enemy, you already know that for sure."

"Well, I'm here on a mission of peace. I have a proposal to make to you."

"What sort of proposal?" Brian asks, raising his eyebrow as he studies the redhead in front of him.

"If you need an ally to help get a certain blonde to rethink some of his recent decisions, you can count on me."

"We've talked. I understand Justin's reasons and he understands mine. I think it's probably best for us to follow different paths."

"Best for whom? For Justin, who will continue to suffer from your absence in his life? Or for you, who is visibly suffering as much or even more than Justin?"

"I must be mistaken. Wasn't it you who warned me to stay away from Justin and not make him suffer?"

"I'm smart enough, Brian, to recognize when things are inevitable. Justin isn't happy without you. And I can tell you aren't happy without Him. These last two days I watched you and I saw the obvious love that unites the two of you. I've never seen Justin so happy, even when Nick was first born. Justin has been wearing a smile that only you can put on his face. As I told you Brian, I love Justin. I want to see him happy and he is happy with you. "

"I can't give him what he needs." Brian is amazed that he's able to say something to this woman that he's never even been able to admit to himself.

"He needs you! If you're with him, he will have everything he needs. Believe me."

Brian looks at Ramona in disbelief. She sighs, studying this man who is apparently as stubborn as the father of her nephew.  
"Well, anyway, I'm leaving my card. If you need an ally, at least you know where to find me."

"Why are you doing this?"

"Why? I like Justin and I also think I like you. And, as an agent, I prefer a happy artist to one who's depressed. It's bad for business. You know what I'm talking about, don't you?"

Brian snorts in response to Ramona.

"Goodbye, Brian Kinney! Think about what I said. I've heard a lot of different things about you over the years, but I've never heard you called a coward. Don't disappoint me. And especially, don't disappoint Justin."

"Goodbye! Bon voyage!"

Brian looks at the card on the table and picks it up in his hands. If Pitbull Red is right, and is really willing to to back him up, maybe he can convince Justin to accept him back into his life. He needs to get home and talk to Ted. It's urgent!


	10. My Sun.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brian takes the biggest gamble of his life.

Justin looks at his son playing in the park under the sun London. It is a beautiful late summer afternoon, with a mild temperature, as had been all that week. It is the ideal setting for the father and son to enjoy each other's company.

 

 

The child is making towers in the sand and has built his castles and bridges with all the attention and care that a boy of nearly three years could have. The man can't help but smile at his happy child. But there is still sadness in his heart.

 

 

It's been a month and three weeks since they'd been in Ibiza. One month and three weeks since Justin had seen Brian, made love to him and then watched as the man he loved once again walked out of his life.

 

 

Justin is suffering because this time he knows it is permanent. He knows that he has lost Brian forever. A tear rolls down Justin's face. The pain in his heart is huge each time he remembers the man he loved. He knows he will never see Brian ever again. 

 

 

He has no idea how he will be able to live without the love of his life. The only thing Justin is sure of at that moment is that he needs to protect his child. He won't allow the child to suffer the loss of someone he'd come to love, even if Justin himself has to feel the lack of Brian in every cell of his body and in his heart for the rest of his life.

 

 

"Daddy?"

 

 

"Yes, Nick?" Justin wipes his tears when he realizes that his son is standing in front of him.

 

 

"Are you crying?" The boy looks worried for his father, with his deep blue eyes.

 

 

"No, Sonny Boy. Dad has allergies." Justin forces a smile to try to reassure the child.

 

 

"Don't cry, Daddy. Nick wants Daddy to be happy." The boy hugs his father. He knows that his dad is sad, so he gives him a special hug to make him happy again.

 

 

Justin strives to prevent his tears and sorrow from showing. He has to take care of Nick right now.

 

 

"Let's go home, Sonny Boy!"

 

 

"I want ice cream!"

 

 

"So let's get some ice cream, then go home and take a shower."

 

 

"No, bath! No!" The boy runs off with Justin chasing behind him, and the indulgent father can't help but smile at the face of disgust that his son made at the prospect of good bath.

 

 

A little later, back hom, Justin smiles and opens the door to Ramona.

 

 

"Hello!" She greets, kissing Justin's cheek. "Where is my dear little monster?"

 

 

"Hello! He is very bored, sitting in his room pouting because I gave him a bath."

 

 

"Well, then it's best to leave him be for the next few minutes."

 

 

"I know," Justin sighs. "Soon he'll start drawing and everything will be back to normal."

 

 

"Venting his frustrations through his art? The same as his father does with his own frustrations?"

 

 

"Please Romie, don't start."

 

 

"All right! It's your life. Forgive me, I just worry about you."

 

 

Ramona sits on the comfortable sofa in Justin's living room and looks at him questioningly.

 

 

"So, you said you have some commission work for me?"

 

 

"Well, I have this friend who is opening an office here in London, and he would like to have several of your works to decorate various rooms of the company."

 

 

"Ramona, you know how I hate to do custom painting."

 

 

"But Justin, he's a good friend of mine and he really, really likes your work and wants it in his new office. Moreover, price is not a problem for him."

 

 

"Money is not problem for me, either. I don't need to sell my art to anyone who thinks he should get to determine what I should paint. I want to have the freedom to paint what I want."

 

 

"But you will! He doesn't want to determine what you'll paint. He just wants your artwork."

 

 

Justin thought about the proposal. For some time he'd stopped taking commissions because they limited his creative freedom. But if Ramona assured him that he could paint whatever he wanted, and seeing as how the client was a friend of his agent, who was herself a good friend and also Nick's aunt, he would accept .

 

 

"As long as I can paint whatever I want, without interference from anyone, I'll accept the job."

 

 

"Great. We need to visit his office so you can see the space and determine how many pieces you'll have to do."

 

 

"I'll go tomorrow, after leaving Nick at the nursery."

 

 

"I can set it up for 10 o'clock?"

 

 

"Yea, that's good for me."

 

 

"Great! Now I'll see if my little man had finally ceased being a very dull boy."

 

 

"Romie, what's your friends name?"

 

 

"Stuart A. Jones."

 

 

Upon entering the large office the next mroning, accompanied by Ramona, Justin looks around at the sharp modern decorations, with various pieces of Italian furniture, all reflecting the good taste of its owner. Justin immediately remembers Brian and how wide open spaces had always been part of the man's signature style.

 

 

Justin again has to fight back his tears and the sense of loss that always hits him when memories of Brian come to him.

 

 

Justin and Ramona are greeted at the entrance by a beautiful blonde that leads into the building.

 

 

"Good morning, I'm Martha Smith, Mr. Jones' assistant."

 

 

"Good morning, I'm Ramona Davies and this is Justin Taylor. We have an appointment with Mr Jones and we would love to see him."

 

 

"Well, Mr. Jones sends his apologies, but he's in a video conference with his home office at the moment. I can show you the building, as well as all departments and the offices, and then Mr. Jones can join us later."

 

 

"Thank you, Mrs. Smith. Just show us where Mr Jones wants the artwork displayed.

 

 

"Please, call me Martha, Mr. Taylor. I'll show you the areas where we would like to have your work."

 

 

"Okay, Martha! And, you can call me Justin."

 

 

"All right! If you'll just follow me?"

 

 

The three walk through the building, through the various departments and separate offices. Justin plans what type of piece would look best in each room. Then, the three come to Mr. Jones' personal office.

 

 

"I believe that the video conference is over if you'd like to come in now."

 

 

The blonde knocks and receives no answer, but even so, she enters and her two companions follow. There's no one in the room. Again, the office and its furnishings bring Justin's thoughts back to Brian.

 

 

"Where's your boss?"

 

 

"I'm not sure, Justin. He must have gone to some other department, while we were touring the rest of the building."

 

 

"Okay! Well, Ramona and I would still like to talk to him and make sure we've got all our instructions right." Justin feels an inexplicable, almost urgent, need to meet the man who is becoming such a mystery to him.

 

 

"You're in a hurry, Sunshine?"

 

 

Justin gapes in disbelief as Brian enters the office.

 

 

"B-Brian? What are you doing here?"

 

 

"Well, I think I should be here, since I am the owner and president of this company."

 

 

"But ... Ramona told me ..." Justin can't finish his sentence. Ramona and Martha quickly depart, leaving the two men alone in the office.

 

 

"Ramona thought it best to bring you here to talk, but without telling you that I would be here."

 

 

"So you and Ramona are in this together just to make me look like an idiot?"

 

 

"Hey, Justin! Calm down. Nobody wanted to fool you. We just want you to see with your own eyes Kinnetik's new offices."

 

 

"You're opening a Kinnetik branch in London?"

 

 

"Yep. We've been planning to expand to Europe for some time, due to the large number of European accounts we have. So we started doing it a month and three weeks ago. I just had to explain to Ted that he won't be moving to England for a while. "

 

 

"So you began to organize the expansion when I left Ibiza?"

 

 

"In fact, I started to organize it two days before you left Ibiza."

 

 

"The day after the opening of my exhibition?"

 

 

"The day we made love on the beach."

 

 

Justin looks at Brian in shock. He never imagined he would hear Brian Kinney use the phrase "making love" when referring to sex. Emmett, even in his worst outbreak of romanticism, wouldn't even believe Brian capable of such a thing. 

 

 

"We made ..." Justin chokes, unable to finish the sentence.

 

 

"Love. Yes. I made love to you that day on the beach, Justin. Whenever we've been together, I made love to you. You were and always will be the only man I did and do love."

 

 

Tears fall without any control down Justin's face. Brian hugs him, wipes his tears with his fingertips and then trails wet kisses across the face of the man he loves. Brian kisses Justin's eyelids gently then, squeezing Justin even more tightly in his arms, he takes his mouth in a deep kiss.

 

 

Justin moans into Brian's mouth and wraps his own arms tightly around the taller body, as if he fears that Brian might disappear if he somehow escapes from his arms. When the kiss ends, the two men look so in love, it's as if they've gotten lost in each other's eyes.

 

 

"Are you here to stay?" Justin sighs, hoping for the answer that will fill him with happiness for the rest of his life.

 

 

"Yes. I'm here to stay and commit myself fully to you. I sold the Loft and Babylon. I only kept Britin because I couldn't bear to sell it and we have to have someplace to stay when we're in Pittsburgh. Moreover, I want to see Nick enjoying all that space, the swimming pool and riding the horse." Brian squeezed Justin closer to his chest. "I'm moving to London to be with you and with your child and to ask you to allow me to be part of your life permanently and the life of your son, as if he were mine too."

 

 

"And Gus?"

 

 

"Gus is going to love getting to travel to London on his holidays. He's already planning what museums and galleries you'll be taking him to visit when he's here with us."

 

 

"You're giving up your whole life so far to be with me?"

 

 

"I'm not leaving anything that is really important to me. What matters to me is you! The life I lived without you was empty and no longer interests me. There is nothing in my life that is more important to me than you. Our family can come visit us and we can always go see them, too. I will have to go to Pittsburgh occasionally for meetings in the office there, but while I'm here in London, with you, Ted and Cynthia are more than capable of handling most of the work without me. And when I do go to Pittsburgh, I want you and Nick to come with me. I want to see Nick playing in Britin and I want him to get to know Gus and spend time with his older brother."

 

 

 

"So you really came to stay with me? Forever?"

 

 

"Yes. I came to stay with you. Only you and no one else. From now on you are the one I want in my bed and in my life for the rest of our lives together. I love you and want you to always be with me. So, Justin, what do you say? Do you want me? "

 

 

"Of course I want you! You're all I ever wanted! Brian, I love you very much!

 

 

Brian smiles at Justin and pulls him close, capturing the luscious lips in a hungry kiss. He pushes his tongue into the blond's mouth, taking control of the kiss, finding his tongue, exploring every part of the mouth he'd been missing. Justin hears himself groan as he lays back on the couch. In a few moments both men are naked and rubbing their erections against each other.

 

 

Justin is lost in the sensual fog that always tales over his mind when he's around Brian. He is back in Brian's arms and he knows that this time there will be no more goodbyes. This time, he will be forever enjoying the body of the man he loves. All he wants is to make Brian feel as happy as he feels right at this moment.

 

 

"Brian, make love to me." Brian looks at the man he loves and kisses the blond again. Brian pushed his tongue in his cheek and says: "Always, Sunshine. I'll make love to you forever."

 

 

Brian lets his tongue travel over Justin's face and down his neck, sucking at the pulse point and making Justin moan. Brian takes the blond's mouth, sucking his tongue and biting his full lips. He pulls the other man closer to his body and squeezes Justin's ass with both hands.

 

 

The two men are hungry to feel each other's bodies. They both know at once, that they can't wait any longer to indulge their feelings. The urgency of their need is too much. Even if they'd wanted to go slower, they couldn't have done it. Brian needed to feel Justin's body in the same way he needed air to breathe. It was almost as if his life depended on it.

 

 

Brian grunts, pushes Justin over the arm of the couch and grabs the lube, squirting it directly into Justin. He smiles when he hears the cry of surprise from the other man. Brian returns to capture Justin's lips just as he pushes a questing finger inside him.

 

 

Justin jumps when he feels the cool liquid touching his warm skin. He groans when he feels a finger violating his tight ring. He pushes his hips back up on that fucking finger and the two others that follow, working to prepare him. His mouth is open, sucking in deeper breaths, when he feels Brian pull his fingers free and push the head of his dick against his tight opening. He holds his breath as Brian bends him further forward and the he feels the hard cock sliding slowly inside him. He likes the burn and stretch and pushes himself back further deepening the penetration.

 

 

Brian moans as he sinks into the hot, tight tunnel, feeling the muscles contract around him. He waits a moment, allowing Justin to adjust, before he starts to push the hips deeper. He feels his heart glowing with warmth, now that he's with his own personal Sun, and he picks up the pace, pushing harder. Justin's moans are getting louder with each thrust of Brian's hips.

 

 

Justin feels Brian's fingers encircling his aching cock and he gladly fucks into the strong fist. Justin pushes his hips back to meet Brian's every thrust and then forward into Brian's fist. He feels the familiar tingle and he knows he won't be able to hold out much longer.

 

 

Brian moves his hips faster and pumps his fist up and down the hard cock in his hand. He can't stop the flood of sensations that flood over him when he spills his seed, filling the condom. He imagines how wonderful it will feel someday when he'll be able to throw out the condoms and spill his semen into the body of the man he loves. He smiles even more knowing that that day is closer now. He hears Justin's cry of release a moment before feeling the hot cum covering his fingers.

 

 

Brian slowly pulls out of the body of the man he loves. The feeling of finally being home, a sense of joy and hope for the future that awaits them, fills the hearts of the two men and triggers a smile of pure happiness on each of their faces.

 

 

Brian looks at the beautiful summer sky of London through the large windows of his office, while holding Justin clasped in his arms. He is once again risking all his chips in the game of love, but this time, he knows he's won the grand prize. He has Justin by his side and he knows that, while there was a sun illuminating the planet, he will always have your own personal Sunshine to illuminate his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, just finished our trip.
> 
> I really want to thank everyone who followed my story. You are amazing!
> 
> Much light in the lives of all of you!
> 
> A enormous hug!
> 
> Until next time.
> 
> Fatima Klayn.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading.  
> All comments are very welcome! Love to know what you think.  
> I respond to all comments.


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